you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
someone owes me an orgasm
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
