I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
