she looked like the before picture.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
