True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
