how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
