I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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