Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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