yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
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