just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Randomize
