I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
