every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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