i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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