so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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