He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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