My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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