Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize