dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
