Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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