Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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