I can text with my tongue
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize