I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
