how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
