I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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