i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize