my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
