Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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