Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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