dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
