your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Bring me that man meat
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
