wakey wakey hands off snakey
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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