i already hear my dad disowning me
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Randomize
