WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize