where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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