Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
