So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
