I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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