I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
