Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Is it because I queefed?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
