you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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