just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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