I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
