you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
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