I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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