WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize