I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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