cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
