And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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