Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
