Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
