wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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