Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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