Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
