i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
4 words: hood of his car
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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