I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
