Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
