so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
