You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
