I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I just had sex on a roof
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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