I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
