she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize