i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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