I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
