I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
