she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
