im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
