Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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