I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
