Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
