i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I intend to get homeless drunk
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
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