u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
