Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You are a genius and a whore.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
