too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize