I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
