Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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