Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
