P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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