There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
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