he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Can you bring me the toilet please
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
