I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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