My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
