Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
